Okay… so, Why P.D.A?
I mentioned in my last entry that all I want to talk about is Pathological Demand Avoidance. The reason for that, is because a profound understanding of PDA has forever changed my life, the life of my Autistic child and our entire family, and influenced the peace in our home.
When I speak to parents of neurodivergent kiddos, and the challenges they are facing, the number one cause of extreme disruption in home and at school is a lack of understanding of PDA. Without data to back this next statement up: I boldly proclaim it is my humble opinion that lack of PDA understanding and therefore mistreatment of PDA’ers is the number one cause of violence and suicide committed by Autistic folks.
I humbly believe that approaching the parenting of my Autistic PDA’er, in an affirming PDA friendly manner, saved his life. Actually: fuck the humble part, it DID save his life.
When we fail to treat PDA’ers properly and respectfully, what we do is blanketly treat all Autistic folks as if they are the same person, with the same profile and same needs. Autistic folks used to be diagnosed under a very rigid framework, and at one time that diagnosis discluded those who were of higher IQ, who could communicate in ways that were understood by the carers around them, or who might enjoy social interaction and pretend play.
As our understanding of Autism expanded, and we came to realize that the neurobiological condition encompassed folks with many more expressed traits, strengths and struggles, our best practices for inclusion and treatment of Autistic folks really didn’t evolve with the inclusion of these Autistic folks with very different profiles.
If you work with or have an Autistic person in your life, you have probably heard of these “best practice” tactics of engaging with them: use very direct language; use visual calendars and have very predictable routines/schedules; use incentives and rewards to illicit compliance/discourage difficult behaviours; use the ‘first ___ then ___’ strategy.
If you are working with or raising an Autistic person with a PDA profile, however - those practices and tactics are likely not working, and even worse, could be causing all kinds of harm and triggering very explosive reactions and even violent or suicidal thoughts and behaviours.
So this information and understanding begs the questions:
If all of this is true, why don’t we hear about better ways to treat PDA’ers when we learn about Autism/neurodivergence?
How do I know if my Autistic/neurodivergent person is a PDA’er? The diagnosing clinician didn’t talk to me about this!
If I suspect my Autistic/neurodivergent person is a PDA’er… what the hell do I do?! I want them to be more peaceful, I want to help them, and I certainly don’t want them to become violent or suicidal!
These questions are why PDA is all I want to talk about. Please read and watch on, as the next couple of weeks of content will be strictly devoted to PDA information. Reach out if you would like some 1:1 coaching for help with your PDA’er. And, if you are in SW Ontario, please watch for upcoming in-person workshops that I will host with a teenaged, Autistic PDA guest speaker.