I Believe You

Image is of two children painting a rainbow on a white wall. The caption reads: “Affirming ND Children’s Experiences: let’s teach our children to love and accept themselves.”

Teaching kiddos self-love and acceptance starts with meeting them where they're at, and believing them when they share their experiences.

Too often, autistic folks feel dismissed (if not gaslighted) when they share about the ways they think and feel. Ask an autistic person how many times they have heard: "that doesn't hurt!" or "you're being dramatic!" or "it didn't happen that way" or even, "....you don't SEEM autistic!"

Life for an autistic kiddo is often experienced as one big, huge exercise in being challenged about the ways in which they experience things like pain, suffering, and enjoyment; as well as feeling as though they cannot trust themselves and the way they feel. How could they trust their own feelings when they are constantly told that they are doing it wrong?

We speak about deficits, lack of skills and perspective, and inability to persevere. We push them beyond their limits, in a misguided attempt to build resilience that we believe they are lacking, and then wonder why they are melting down.

If you experience the instinct to challenge your child when they tell you their experience, try this instead: sit with your own discomfort quietly, listen to your child when they communicate in whatever manner they are communicating, and simply say, "I believe you".

The power of "I believe you" can extinguish the fires that are raging directly before meltdown.

The power of "I believe you" can be the difference between being their safe spot to land, or not.

The power of "I believe you" can be the difference between your child being confident enough to advocate for themselves, or not.

The power of "I believe you" can be the difference between your child knowing self-love and acceptance, or not.

Let's allow them the space to communicate their feelings to us - uninterrupted, unchallenged, simply believed. And let's watch the ways that being believed can transform our relationships, and the world around us.